Grateful

the girls in their christmas dresses, and the boys with new ties.













here is all of us at sandy's graveside with john. rachel was being a twerp.:) and here is sandy's beautiful headstone. i really like how it turned out.

The past few days i have been filled with an overwhelming sense of my blessings. i was reading on a friends blog about how she is trying to let the house go a little bit, and not stress over every crumb on the floor, and thing out of place. she is trying to enjoy her children being children. i am trying to adopt this attitude, but it is proving difficult. i have serious ocd when it comes to my house, and it is stressful to me to have things cluttered and messy. but i am trying.
i have 4 healthy and beautiful children who are trying beyond imagination, while being hilarious and so much fun. they fill my life with joy and unexpected things every day. i will think that i can't handle one more crazy shinanigan by any of them, and then someone does something so sweet and sincere, it brings tears to my eyes, and makes me forget what i was upset about in the first place. kids are so much more challenging than i ever imagined as a kid and teenager, but also so much more rewarding. they are unspotted from all the craziness of the world, and just see things how they are. they don't have an agenda in what they say and do, and you know they are sincere. if they tell you that you look pretty, they really think so. they don't just give lip service like some of the adults are known to do!! kids will tell you that you look scary when you wake up with eyeliner and mascara running all over the place. or when they don't like the new hairdo you are experimenting with. kids are nothing, if not honest!!
and i am blessed beyond imagining with nathan. he is a true spiritual giant, and we all look to him for guidance. he goes every day to a job he despises, so he can support us well. he loves me even when i am not behaving very well. the last year has been hard for me, but he has stuck by me through all the emotional turmoil i have experienced, and still loves me.
so i have been trying to better myself so that i can become the mother and wife i should have been all along. i am starting classes again at mcc, so hopefully i can get a job in a few years, and boost our income. i have been faithfully reading my scriptures since the new year, which i have been less than perfect at in the past. we are going to attend a marriage and family class for the next couple of months, even though nathan really doesn't want to. he is doing it because he loves me. i know it without a doubt. and i am trying to do better... that is a start, right?