Wednesday, May 16, 2012

new developments

Oh man, have we had some crazy recent developments in our lives. Our latest one has been to go into my first doctor appointment and hope to listen to the baby's heartbeat, only to find out that there wasn't one. They brought in the portable ultrasound machine, and showed me the gestational sac. I asked the nurse if she wasn't seeing anything in it, or if I was losing it. She confirmed my fears, and said she wasn't seeing anything either. It either meant I was wrong in my dates, or the pregnancy was not going to continue. I knew I wasn't wrong in my dates, I was 11 weeks when I went in. For her to say the size was about 8 weeks, was very wrong. They left me sitting in the room until the ultrasound tech was free, and brought me in there for an official ultrasound to check the viability of the pregnancy. I layed down on the table and waited for the picture to come up on the screen. What I saw, jolted me to the core. Nothing. There was nothing growing in the sac. There was a yolk sac, or something like that, that showed that the egg was fertilized and attached, but stopped growing at 6 weeks. It was bizarre to me though, I had no idea anything was wrong. I was feeling incredibly nauseated for the last 6 weeks, and was super tired and all the other pregnancy symptoms. I was even starting to show!! For some reason, my body kept growing and expanding like there was a baby in there, when there wasn't. It is really hard. I fully expected to get bigger and more miserable throughout the summer, and barely make it through Halloween, and have a baby sometime in November.
We were really scared and trying to figure out how we were going to care for another little person in our family, but we were excited to try. We were looking at houses and trying to decided based on where we would put the baby. This has changed things dramatically. It was hard to tell the kids that they wouldn't be having a new brother or sister. Rachel is the only one that seems ok with it. She says, now that you are not having a baby, you can still hold me! I have been trying to weigh the options and decided to have a d and c, versus taking the pills that would cause it to happen naturally. So I did that today, and slept for 4 hours after I got home. I actually feel pretty good now, and am just waiting till bedtime. I have restrictions on what I can do and lift, so I can't pack anymore today. I did what I could before the procedure, and have to wait till tomorrow to do anymore.
On a different note, we found out that we didn't get the house we wanted on Lindsay and Southern. We searched for the last week and a half, and couldn't find something that was quite right. Finally, yesterday we found it!! It is on Crismon and Guadalupe, and will save us so much on rent, gas to work and back, utilities being in a smaller house. We are excited, and get to move in next Friday!! Finally, something is going our way. Now we just have to figure out what to do about schools for the kids, and what ward we will be in, and all of that. Yay for us!!

Monday, May 7, 2012

life as we know it

It has been a crazy busy and fun time in our lives. I started working with a company called Primerica, and actually got my first bonus Friday!! Things are going well, but I have definitely added to the stress level in my life. I finish school this week, just a final in one class, and 2 projects in the other. Thank the heavens, I will have my associates degree in general studies!! It has been a long road, taking me 12 years of off and on again schooling, but I did it!!
 I am now just over 10 weeks pregnant, and feeling it already. I have been shaking pretty much since I got pregnant, and can't figure out why. It doesn't matter what or when I eat, I still shake! It's frustrating when I am trying to do something small and meticulous, like painting my toenails or something. I cut myself shaving almost every time. Lame!!
 On another subject, I finished my semester with the EVMCO, and decided I needed to take some time off to be pregnant and have this baby. I am due the week of the Christmas concert, and figured that would be a lot of work and wasted time if I couldn't be in the concert!! It was a hard decision, and it still breaks my heart, but I know it is right for us right now.
We were going through finances last week, and decided we really need to cut costs, especially with a new baby coming along. We are downsizing, and moving to a smaller house with a lower payment. We have put in an application for one on Higley and Southern, and really hope we get it! It is as close to perfect as we can get right now, and is even close to one of my best friends and her family!! We will be in the same ward and our kids will go to the same school. It is gonna be fun.
So now, my life consists of trying to organize and pack, (I don't want to bring crud we don't need), a little bit at a time. I got through 4 boxes today, and I couldn't even stand up, I had no energy, and my heart was racing. I think I have to take it slow, this baby is taking all that I have and more!! I am super stressed with getting the house packed and cleaned in the 3 weeks we are hoping to have until we can get into our new house. In order to get our security deposit back, we need to do a little bit of work on a few areas, and a whole lot of deep cleaning. 4 crazy kids wreak havoc on a house!!
I know we are doing the right thing for our family, but it is hard to leave our friends and ward, which we have really come to love and value!! But, when you start getting comfortable, that's when you need to shake things up, right? It seems to always be that way for us. We have moved 8 times in our 12 years of marriage, and it doesn't look like we are done yet!!