Oh man, have we had some crazy recent developments in our lives. Our latest one has been to go into my first doctor appointment and hope to listen to the baby's heartbeat, only to find out that there wasn't one. They brought in the portable ultrasound machine, and showed me the gestational sac. I asked the nurse if she wasn't seeing anything in it, or if I was losing it. She confirmed my fears, and said she wasn't seeing anything either. It either meant I was wrong in my dates, or the pregnancy was not going to continue. I knew I wasn't wrong in my dates, I was 11 weeks when I went in. For her to say the size was about 8 weeks, was very wrong. They left me sitting in the room until the ultrasound tech was free, and brought me in there for an official ultrasound to check the viability of the pregnancy. I layed down on the table and waited for the picture to come up on the screen. What I saw, jolted me to the core. Nothing. There was nothing growing in the sac. There was a yolk sac, or something like that, that showed that the egg was fertilized and attached, but stopped growing at 6 weeks. It was bizarre to me though, I had no idea anything was wrong. I was feeling incredibly nauseated for the last 6 weeks, and was super tired and all the other pregnancy symptoms. I was even starting to show!! For some reason, my body kept growing and expanding like there was a baby in there, when there wasn't. It is really hard. I fully expected to get bigger and more miserable throughout the summer, and barely make it through Halloween, and have a baby sometime in November.
We were really scared and trying to figure out how we were going to care for another little person in our family, but we were excited to try. We were looking at houses and trying to decided based on where we would put the baby. This has changed things dramatically. It was hard to tell the kids that they wouldn't be having a new brother or sister. Rachel is the only one that seems ok with it. She says, now that you are not having a baby, you can still hold me! I have been trying to weigh the options and decided to have a d and c, versus taking the pills that would cause it to happen naturally. So I did that today, and slept for 4 hours after I got home. I actually feel pretty good now, and am just waiting till bedtime. I have restrictions on what I can do and lift, so I can't pack anymore today. I did what I could before the procedure, and have to wait till tomorrow to do anymore.
On a different note, we found out that we didn't get the house we wanted on Lindsay and Southern. We searched for the last week and a half, and couldn't find something that was quite right. Finally, yesterday we found it!! It is on Crismon and Guadalupe, and will save us so much on rent, gas to work and back, utilities being in a smaller house. We are excited, and get to move in next Friday!! Finally, something is going our way. Now we just have to figure out what to do about schools for the kids, and what ward we will be in, and all of that. Yay for us!!
Losing all the Wisdom
1 week ago